i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
