i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
