my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
