Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
