well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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