Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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