Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
