I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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