Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
