u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
