Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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