I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
