So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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