he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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