i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
