God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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