When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
