My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
