Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
