We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
