I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
