Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
