ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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