My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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