I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
