I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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