We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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