Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
