Porn is love you can see.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize