Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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