She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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