So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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