When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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