If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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