Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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