so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You need a sexual gate keeper
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
