My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize