i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
