i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
