My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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