The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
