I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
