Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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