...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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