So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
why do cheetos always look like penises
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
