Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mom said you looked used
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
