I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
