I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
