Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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