I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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