nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
