playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
