Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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