At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
