Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
