my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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