i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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