i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
