What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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