my vag is so smooth its legendary
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
