We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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