I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
