for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
