So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
