You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
