My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
