I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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