worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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