he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
