my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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