I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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