Kiss
Puke
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
