You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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