do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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