I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
