if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
